I cannot believe that I have a blog

Again, I completely forgot about this blog. I just read through some of it and it is pretty funny. I suppose that I will continue to write about my life in middle America.

In the last year or so, there have not been very many parties in my neighborhood. Or at least we have not been invited to many. The couple that threw the party for their 3 year old that was so over the top had another kid and then got a divorce. The one couple that I thought was going to get a divorce did not, good for them. One neighbor retired, one sold his company and now is a substitute teacher and a bartender.

I still have not really spoken to the neighbor that questioned my parenting. It is too bad that grown ups cannot get over their differences as easily as kids can. I still think he is a jack-ass but i wave to him every time he drives by just to piss him off. I hope it pisses him off anyway. I am not a bitter man, I just think the feud is ridiculous.

Most of my circle, or maybe my wife's circle have found FaceBook. Facebook is like crack. People try it once and they are addicted. more on this at a later time. I can dedicate an entire post to this topic.

Later.

He Said, She Said

Remember the post a few months ago about the small family-owed company that I worked for? It was run by an insane wife and an over bearing husband? The story gets better.

Every morning I would get a call from the male owner, I will call him "Jeff" (for those keeping score we not have Dot and Jeff, the owners) Any way, Jeff would call me every morning to find out how many hours we had billed the day before. We had billable hours targets and when we would miss that target he would read me the riot act. This man had no personality and even less tact. The main issue, and there were many, is that Dot would never enter her billable time into the system, the system that Jeff had created, so even on a good day we were always short.

The call would typically go something like this:

Jeff: How did we do yesterday?
Me: We were close. We projected 20 billable hours and we had 15. (not actual #s)
Jeff: Well we were short again! What the hell happened?
Me: Jill has not entered her time for yesterday. With her hours we would actually be over our projection.
Jeff: Well tell Jill to enter her time!
Me: I asked her to do so but she finds the tool too difficult and time consuming to use.
Jeff: That is not true. The tool is simple, I wrote it and I know.
Me: Alright. I will ask her to enter her time.
Jeff: Don't ask her to do it. Tell her to do it. We hired you to bring this company to the next level and if our numbers are not correct we will never get there.
Me: I understand. I will see what I can do.

Later that day (everyday)
Me: Dot, I noticed that you did not enter your time yesterday. In order for my reports to Jeff to be accurate, I need you to enter your time.
Dot: I hate that system, Jeff is an idiot (Jeff is her husband, remember) and I am not going to use the system until he makes the updates that I requested.
Me: Thanks.

Repeat the conversation Monday - Friday every week.

This was a nightmare. Jeff would tell me to implement a company-wide change in the morning and Dot would tell me that he was an idiot and refused to do it. The next day, Jeff would ask me for a progress report and chew me out if I had not implemented the change. Repeat the next day, and the next, and the next.

I began to hate my job.

It Always Works This Way

I completely forgot about this blog. Sorry faithful reader.

I am now employed again. I have been since January. I am working for a bigger company that I ever have before and it is difficult. The company is so large and there are so many people on my projects that is difficult to get anything done.

I am always on the phone with people all over the world. I am used to getting up and walking to talk to the people that I work with. Now they are all over the country and I have to schedule a meeting just to get 15 minutes of some one's time. Very inefficient.

I am sure that this happens all over the place but I am not used to it yet. In fact I think that it sucks.

It takes weeks to do what used to happen in days. Months to do what used to take weeks and literally YEARS to do what used to take months. What a waste of time and money.

Does this happen to you? Let me know in the comments section below.

As always, thanks for the casserole.

They tried to make me go to my job, I said "No, no, no!"

I had to do it. I did not feel very good about it at the time but I had to do it.

I left my job last week without giving any notice. Ever since I have had mixed emotions about the leaving that way. The owner made a point of calling me "classless", he said that I lied to him and that I took the easy way out. As if unemployment is the easy way out. Well maybe it is. You tell me...

The company is owned by a married couple, he is off site all day, she is in the office. He is a numbers guy, always concerned about the bottom line. She is a control freak that takes micro-management to the nth degree.

Lesson One: "Married Couple", "Numbers Guy", "Control Freak", "Micro-management", see any warning signs here? (I am an idiot.)

I was brought in to help "take the company to the next level". Their words, not mine.

It looked like a good gig during the interview process. The company had just signed a large, well known client to a long term project, they had a few nice-sized projects underway and a base of long-term, loyal clients providing steady revenue. They were poised for growth, or so I thought.

I accepted the job for less than I usually would have, counting on the upside later. (I knew better, I really did, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.)

Lesson Two: When joining a small family-owned company take your money up front. Do not bet on any back end money. (I am such an idiot.)

So, the first week on the job went pretty well. I kept my head down, worked hard at what I thought I was supposed to do and made it to Friday without much pain. I was very happy. The people seemed nice enough.

But it slowly dawns on me that the owner, I will call her Dot, (obviously not her real name, I do have some scruples) is out of her mind. She seems to thrive on stress the way that normal humans thrive on oxygen. I would watch in amazement as she would yell at clients, change previously approved client material because "she was the expert, and the client was paying for her expertise", and then verbally eviscerate her husband in front of the staff.

Lesson Three: The term "verbally eviscerate her husband in front of the staff" does not make for a collaborative work environment.

There is more to this story, much more, and believe me, it gets worse, much worse.

Next Chapter - "He said, She said"

My Life in the "Hood" (upscale neighborhood, that is)

I have tried many times to write a blog. Many times I have failed. I had always hoped that someone out there would find my ramblings interesting. But alas, it has never happened. I guess that, when it comes right down to it, I am pretty boring.

This is not a bad thing, IMHO. I like my life. I have a job that I can tolerate. I have great kids and a wonderful wife. I live in a great house in a neighborhood that has a wide variety of people. Some younger, some older, some similar and some very different.

• One guy has every tool that I could possibly need, and knows how to use them.
• One guy didn't know that when you purchase a new lawn mower, you have to actually put gas in it before you use it.
• One day my neighbor transplanted his entire front yard into his back yard and replanted his front yard.
• One guy uses an old fashioned rotary mower to mow his yard.
• Another uses a riding mower to mow his quarter acre lot.
• On the right they have an irrigation system. On the left they systematically water their yard a specific measured amount each week. My kids play in the sprinkler and my yard looks as good as any on the street.
• One guy kicked my 4 month old puppy because it was "attacking" him and he feared for his life.
• Another yells at my son and questions my parenting skills all while calling himself a Christian. I pray for him and his family.
  
• Most of my neighbors speak English, some, not so much. I don't really care about this, they are nice enough and pretty much keep to themselves.

It is an interesting place in middle America. Maybe a lot like yours. Maybe not. Why don't you let me know about your life in the comments below.

Thanks for playing.

Hamster in da House!

Today we broke down and we are getting my daughter a hamster. She is thrilled and I am sure my dog is as well.

My son had a snake and the dog pretty much ignores it. But the hamster could be a problem.

More on this later.

Your Clown or Mine?

I was at a child's birthday party this weekend. There must have been 100 people at this party. Here are a few observations:

1. Overheard: "My clown had to cancel at the last minute, I am glad that I could borrow your clown."
   
   
2. The same person who changed the baby's diaper and took out the garbage also made the drinks, cut the cake and served the pizza, by hand. She was not the hostess.
   
   
3. There were more gifts than my past 20 birthdays combined.
   
   
4. There were not one but 2 blow-up bouncy castle things.
   
   
5. 50 pizzas - 25 cheese, 25 pepperoni, all touched by that women when she served them by hand.
   
   
6. Two wide screen TV's, one for Disney, the other for Nickelodeon.
   
   
7. The firetruck was supposed to show up but it had to go on a run. I wonder if anyone was pissed about that. I would guess so.
   
   

The party was amazing. WAY over the top. The competition to have the biggest, most elaborate birthday party for your kid is getting out of hand.

I have watched "Bridezilla", "Whose Wedding is it Anyway", and "Sweet 16". The next show has to be the planning of on of these kids b-day party's.

Did I mention that the child was turning 3 years old? He probably won't remember a minute of it.

Incredible.